From Nowhere to Now Here

We have been going through a rough patch the last few months. Joe’s dang dislocated hip has become painful and changed his life, and by extension, his parents’ lives. Things he used to love to do are no longer possible. We have been going to doctors, researching and doing a variety of therapies, drugs and treatments and we finally have decided the best course for the long term health and well being of Joe is to do a procedure called a proximal femoral resection.

The last few months have really felt like we were going Nowhere, been to Nowhere and that Nowhere was going to be our permanent address. That is the depressed, sad mama talking. The one who has rushed Joe to the hospital several times, the one who is up all hours reading about various hip/CP related stuff, the one who is trying to balance work, household management and parenting a very unwell young man. The one who is sick and tired of Joe being sick and tired. The one who worries if sending him back to school is the right choice. The one who worries if his liver will fail from prolonged drug use, or if he will become addicted to the pain meds. The one who worries what if he gets COVID before the surgery and we have to wait even longer… and on and on and on.

The roads in Nowhere all go in circles.

We needed a change of scenery we could look at through a window. I asked folks for that changed of scenery and discovered there are many kind and thoughtful people outside of our little village of Nowhere. The birthday cards and greetings we asked folks for really helped.

Those cards and letters were like road signs to a better place, a road out of Nowhere to Now Here.

Now Here is the place where all the worrying and planning stops and we actually stay still, breathe, and look around and appreciate what is around us, what we are experiencing just in this moment. Sometimes, actually, if I’m honest, most of the time, I can find one or two good things about Now Here. That is a much better place to live in.

Do I still wake up at 2 am hearing a sound across the hall in Joe’s room? Yes. Do I still question almost everything I do for Joe on a given day? Yes. Do I still wonder what I did wrong, what I didn’t do, what I should do differently? Yes. Those are the familiar back roads that lead to … you guessed it, Nowhere. I still visit. I’m just trying not to live there anymore.

Looking for your route to Now Here? Here is an article from Psychology Today

Jane Grillo is working to stay on the path to Now Here.